As I lived my spiritual life, I believed God by my lips. But when different hardships would confront me, because I didn't have the heart that God was with me, I lived my life worrying about those things. However the missionary that was training us in missionary school taught me a spiritual life that was different than what I knew of.

We were not allowed to bring money from home or work, or to make money or even let others know that money was needed. Receiving training 2 4hours a day in this missionary school, we were told to eat, ride the bus, and buy notebooks. At that time, our country's economy was struggling because it was during the early 60's. We thought that since the American missionary has a lot of money, he is going to help us. We expected to eat chocolate, coffee, and sandwiches as we received training if we went there, but he did not give us anything and just told us to ask everything of God. There were a lot of times that we didn't eat, and at those times, he would come to us and rebuke us saying, "Why are you not eating?" The truth is, at that time, we did pray to God for everything, but we didn't have the faith that God will give us all that we needed. So we were in the state of obscurity.

Even though I was praying, I was filled with these humanistic thoughts, like, "Is no one going to send some money? Is my father not going to send some rice from home?" At times when food came, "Did God really listen to my prayers, or was it because people had sympathy for us and gave us the food?" I could not specify, therefore, my thoughts were in confusion.

One day, the missionary said to us, "Next Monday, you are all going on a money less witnessing trip, so spend this week praying and preparing." As it became Monday morning, the missionary called us all. The missionary was going on this money less witnessing trip as well, so he had stacked up a bag of flyers in Korean. Before departure, he put his hand in his pocket so we thought that he was going to give us carfare, but he took out money and put it in the middle. It was a couple of 1000 won bills, which really is not worth a lot. Then he told us to do the same.

There was this one brother who used to be a pastor of a church before and he was in my class now. From all the other missionary students pockets only a couple of bucks came out, but from him, a lot of money came out and my stomach started to become sore! The missionary ordered a brother to take all that money and put it in the offering box. Then to each class, he told us where to go. He said to us, "Come back in a week. I am not going with you so I don't know what's going to happen, but God knows everything, so do not at all ask for money or open your hands out to people. Only ask God. If you are truly God's servant, then God will help you." Everyone departed without any money; even the missionary, who also was not able to speak Korean. He just started walking, carrying the stack of flyers.

My class was to go to Po-Ang. As we departed from Dae-gu, when we got to Young-chun, I was hungry. I was not only hungry, but the thought of, "Where will I sleep tonight?" was such a huge worry. As we went from house to house, we did witness, but in my heart, rather than witnessing, was more focused on the thought, "Is no one going to offer food? Is no one going to ask us to spend the night?" I was just full of anticipation. If I would go to a house, I'd have the heart, "Please let me sleep at this house." I don't know if it's because I would go with that heart, but even if I would preach the word, the people would not listen at all and just tell me to leave.

We would preach like that, and then around 9pm, the whole neighborhood would be sleeping. I got a promising heart so I left that neighborhood and once gain walked towards Po-Ang. We walked from 9:30pm till 3 am being hungry, tired, and sleepy. I said to the brother that was accompanying me, "Brother let's just at least sleep a bit underneath the bridge and then go."

Then he said, "Brother Park, let's just wait a little more. The Lord has prepared for us." But I could not bear it any longer. As it became 3 am, frost started forming. I became cold and shaky. Down the road, there was a church, so I told the brother, "Let's go in there," and I started to pull him.

It was a church in the country. We didn't go in and pray, but rather fell asleep in the prayer position. After a little while, people came in for early morning service, but I still stayed asleep even after the service was over. Someone woke me up to go eat so I just went in a daze. The church's minister and the brother I was traveling with both knew each other from the previous church that they went to. I really didn't feel like God had given this to me. Half of my heart felt, "Did God give this to me?" The other half felt, "We were given this food forcefully."

As we went from Po-ang to An-gang, it was strange, but there were people who told us to sleep at their houses and telling us to eat. Still, I felt that we must've looked so pitiful that was why they were being this way; not that God was doing this. As we finished the tedium of the journey, lastly, we had to go from An-kang to Dae-gu. The money that we had was just enough for the 3 of us to go to Kyungju. So we got tickets to Kyungju, and then preached on the train. We landed at the Kyunju station, thinking, "What now?"

Someone tapped my back and said he wanted to talk to me. He said, "I would like to buy lunch for you guys, would you like to come?" I thought this was truly from God, and I followed him with a thankful heart towards God. He took us to a restaurant that he knew of, but it was closed because it was a holiday, so we went to another restaurant, but they were also closed. Every restaurant that we went to was closed.

Then he looked at his watch and said, "I wanted to buy lunch, but everything is closed besides bars. We can not go to a bar, and I also have to go now because I am busy, so I will give you the money instead, buy lunch with this." Then he left. We accepted the money and said goodbye, then we counted the money. Instead of buying lunch with the money, we bought our train fare. After we bought the train tickets to Dae-gu, the 3 of us ate black bean noodles, and then we had not even a penny left. God had prepared that day for the restaurants to be closed in Kyungju.

After a little while, the missionary sent us on another moneyless witnessing trip. This time, the missionary changed us around, so I went with a different brother towards Chung-do, Mil-yak. There were times that we ate and didn't eat going to Chung-do. As we were going to Dae-gu from Chung-do, the day became dark. As I witnessed, I was only filled with the thought, "Where will I eat and sleep tonight?" I would say God has prepared everythin, but because I didn't have faith when I didn't see these things happening, I started to worry.

All these houses that we would go to, no one would invite us to stay so we just walked the asphalt road from Chung-do to Kyung-san. As we kept walking, I only saw stars shining in the dark night and we saw an old man fallen on top of the asphalt floor. As we awakened him, we realized he was drunk. We asked him, "Where do you live?"

He said, "Somewhere in Kyung-san." To kyung-san, it was about 30km, and we were so tired and hungry. We could not just leave him, so we leaned him on our backs and took him home.

As we were going along, all of a sudden, he goes, "My shoes!" as we saw that his shoes were gone. He should've said something earlier. We had such a hard time trying to look for them in the dark. Then after a while, he would say, "My shoes!" again. Since he did it several times, I got so mad I wanted to just leave him there. But we could not do that so we kept carrying him, about 10km from Kyung-san he came out of his drunkenness and gained consciousness: "What happened to me?"
"I went to cut trees... I don't know what happened to me."
"Is your house in Kyung-san?"
"Yes."

Around 12 am, we got to Kyung-san. A streetlight was on, and there were about 5 or 6 young guys standing underneath it. As we started to get close, one guy started running to us saying, "Oh dad! You're coming home now?" and he asked us what happened.

" What exactly happened to my father?"
" We don't know either, we just saw him fallen on the floor so we brought him from 30 km back."
"Thank you, it's late, so come into our house." So we went into their house, and while they were cooking food, we preached the word to the rest of the family. If one person would preach, then another would fall asleep, so we took turns preaching. As we preached like that around 1 the food came. After we ate the whole bowl of rice, the daughter in law of that house prepared a place for us to sleep and told us to go into the room. The room seemed like the son and daughter in law's room, but the blankets were laid out for us. I don't know where they slept, but we slept in that warm room. When we woke up in the morning, the son heard that we were going to Dae-gu, and he went to the station and bought us 2 tickets.

God had prepared food for us and a place to sleep, but I was filled with worry while we were preaching. I felt like I was very foolish to not have faith in God. I am one that doesn't have faith but living with in Jesus God made it so that even if I tried not to believe him, I could only believe, and this is how He has led me.